24 Things I Learned at 24

I’ve been alive for 24 years today! It feels not too long ago when I was still around 8 or 9 years old and I envied my cousins who were already on a double digit age. Now I’m almost in my mid 20’s! Saying, “Hey, where did my teenage years go, even my early 20’s?” can be a bit sad, but it’s inevitable. As I add another year to my age, it feels like time has robbed me in a blink of an eye when I look back and realized how much time has gone by. On the other hand, I would like to think of time not as a thief, but as a teacher of wisdom. I do feel a lot better that way getting older.

The past year, many things may have turned out differently from what I had planned and expected. I might have been really stressed on some days and I might just had sad nights where I was overwhelmed by how much I miss being with my parents and Flip. But still I can say with confidence that how I’m feeling as I turn 24 is a lot better than how I was when I turned 23 last year. I was also happy then but this time I’m a lot more at peace, because I guess I really just learned better on how to deal with life’s intricacies. I’m no expert at all, in fact I still have more days when I relapse to immaturity and idleness. But I do smile and laugh more now in spite of everything. Having a job that you like also helps a lot, especially having nice and fun workmates, and of course having your own car finally! The latter may sound materialistic but I gotta be honest, it makes me a lot happier knowing that I now got one of the things that I’ve always wanted (since high school! haha). Reconnecting with friends and their company, celebrating 5 years of being together with that one special person, and the kindness and unfailing love of my family are some of the most precious things I’m grateful to have and which propels me into a place where I can simply appreciate life.

As gratitude to my 24th year, for all the chances, experiences, opportunities and lessons gained, here are 24 profound and not so profound things I learned about life. Some of these may be as random and as mundane, even as cliche as they can get, but at one point they have been that profound to me. Well, what do you know, life is complicated.

1. Underestimate no one, especially those whom you just met and don’t know anything about. This goes the same with the lines, “Don’t judge the book by its cover.” Chances are, you’ll be surprise (or even be blown away) by the abilities of others, especially those whom you didn’t think highly about.
2. Fancy words when writing won’t make you better than others, nor will it justify your faults and mistakes or cover up a lie. The ability to write well is a gift, and knowing fancy words is just a plus. Honesty is still the best attribute of a writer, and being a wordsmith doesn’t compare to being honest.
3. Love is not blind. It sees. It’s just that it tolerates and finally learns to accept.
4. Time spent and experience are two things you can never have until you actually submit to something and do it. No matter how much you know or how much you have, you can never compare to those who have been there longer than you have. These two things are some of the things that make people earn the respect they deserve.
5. There is always something worth learning from someone older, no matter the difference in economic and social status.
6. As the saying goes, attitude is everything. There’s a big difference on how things will turn out based on how you approach them in the beginning. It pays being positive in tackling a task or in solving a situation.
7. We are given indefinite chances, big or small and abstract or material, on kindness everyday and we should act on them as much as we can. There will come a time when it is ourselves who would need something from others. It may sound hypothetical and even impossible, but we are all here to help each other in more ways than one.
8. Having a reminder that just occur in your thought out of the blue is a blessing, and may not happen twice. Never put off for later when you’ve been reminded to do something because otherwise you’ll be forgetting about it.
9. No man is an island. We may want to be left alone at first to think and to deal with something when we’re upset. But talking about it with a friend or anyone else helps a lot, even if you think you are quite the loner.
10. Three quotes that say it all: “The only constant thing in life is change.”; “If you’re in a bad situation, don’t worry it’ll change. If you’re in a good situation, don’t worry it’ll change.”; “This too shall pass.”
11. Working does a lot more to a person than provide a source of living. It hones a person’s ability to get along with people of different personalities. It always pays to have humility and to give extra effort in getting along well with other people, especially to those who have personalities that render them hard and even impossible to get along with. Life is really like that. There will always be people who are just different. But in a work environment or any environment, the person who follows the saying, “If you can’t beat them, join them.” always wins in the end.
12. It’s always a bit harder to go back to sleep when you wake up to find out that you still have an hour or two left before you have to wake up, but a lot harder to stay awake when you have to get up already. You always find yourself snoozing that alarm clock. Or maybe that’s just me and my “Life is ironic.” moments.
13. Learn to watch your tongue. Better yet, we should learn how to control what we say. Thinking about what the impact of our words will be on others before we utter them is an essential tool in life and it is a skill that needs to be focused upon and practiced, especially for those less discreet people. People will either hate you or like you, depending on your ability in controlling your words.
14. Most of the things in life are easier said than done. That’s why don’t be too hard on others. You may not know what they are actually feeling when you’re advising them. Knowing and understanding the situation are still different from actually being in the situation.
15. Always use a coaster. You’ll regret seeing those ugly white circles that ruin wooden furniture surfaces.
16. The beginnings of a romantic relationship are always the most pleasant times. Being in love at these moments feels like you can do anything, even Superman abilities like flying in outer space and bringing back the moon. Really, but not actually. ;-) As the relationship progresses, you’ll realize that the feeling of being in love has a lot of sides. Though you got happier and deeper in love, nothing will compare to the excitement and the giddiness that made your heart beat faster when you just started. And you always find yourself longing to feel that premature in love feeling all over again.
17. Anything, or almost anything, no matter how hard, can be gotten used to as long as given the time, and patience most importantly.
18. Waiting for love to happen is not enough when you haven’t decided to truly open up yourself to the possibility of being in love. It’s a personal decision that set things in motion.
19. Keep a ballpen in your bag. You never know when it might come in handy. It especially will when you’re processing documents in government institutions, such as the LTO, PRC and SSS. Also, it’s worth keeping (it’s a rule actually) some tissue in your bag if you’re a girl, and most especially a handkerchief whether you’re a girl or a guy.
20. Never apply USA driving rules in the Philippines, especially the right of way and the changing lane rules. You’ll just end up frustrated and very very angry, or even risking yourself to high blood pressure.
21. No place is perfect. Everything is give and take. If one doesn’t have it, the other does, and vice versa. No need to be overly zealous.
22. Some things are true whether you believe them or not. Being a bigot is a no no. Being one will make people hate you.
23. Life definitely has its rough times. But what makes it a lot harder are not the circumstances, but the people involved. We are always worried about what other people will say. People put pressure on other people. It is the people who set standards that we feel we need to live up to. But it is also the people who can make life easier for us. People can comfort other people. So while it is the people who can make life miserable for others, it is also the people who can lend a hand and make things easier for others.
24. God knows what he is doing with our lives. It may seem to us at times that we are just going around in circles or drifting nowhere, but He has a plan for each and everyone of us. We just have to be faithful enough to know what it is. You can see a glimpse of his work in your life if you’ll just think about the things you’ve been through and where you are now. For others it may still be hard to discern because the work is still pretty much in progress. But you’re getting there. God is getting there.

*Autumn image is from here.
You may ask, why the autumn scene? It’s not related to my post. Well I love the fall. I haven’t experienced it in actual but it’s one of those few things I’m sure I’ll love without a doubt without experiencing/seeing it yet. And it’s autumn season now in some parts of the world. The road in the picture also reminds me of life and it’s unknown path ahead.

My Bean Baby

OK, I’m going to give in to that clique that I find corny. You know those people who just had a car and write about it in their blogs? Those people who mislead readers by calling their car as their “baby”? Despite the cornyness and the possibility of being boastful here, I’m going to do it anyway. Because I’m really just so freakin’ happy that finally, after years of being a frustrated car-owner-wannabe, I’m no longer a wannabe but finally a car owner. I’ve been wanting to have my own car since high school! God knows how irritated I get at times when I’m commuting. I thank the Heavens above and of course my parents (just Tatay, actually. Mama still objects. Oops.) for allowing me to have my own car, FINALLY! The day has come. Who would have known the day would be September 7, 2009? As I’ve said time and again, September is one of my top favorite months evah! Because of this excitement of mine that I can barely contain, I can no longer feel the cornyness of what I’m writing here. Just excuse me for this moment, will you? Just this once? 

Meet my baby:

Here he is when I first met him in the car shop:

And earlier this evening, finally nestled in my home’s garage:

I’ll be calling him “Bean.” The name is from Mr. Bean, because Bean is a supermini car, kinda like Mr. Bean’s. And also because of the color, a very light metallic green. The hint of green reminds me of a bean, as in beanstalk. So there. :-D

Bean is a surplus car from Japan, imported directly to Cebu. He’s a Nissan March with a 1300 engine. I don’t exactly know what year/model of Nissan March he is. But as a surplus car, I gotta say he’s running pretty good. I drove him for the first time earlier and my hands were numbing due to its cold aircondition. Nissan aircons rock! (And this is not the first time I’ve found a Nissan aircon to be really good in quality.)

I really prefer having a surplus car as my first car here in Bacolod than a brand new one. Not only is this surplus car very thrifty when it comes to gasoline, it’s also affordable for its quality. Since it’s still just my first car, I would want to get used to driving around here through a not-so-expensive surplus car than an expensive brand new car. I’m saving my brand new car dream when I can finally earn a living in Obamaland. (Think a spankin’ brand new BMW X5 SUV…dream on haha!)

It’ll probably take a week for me to be able to drive Bean all on my own. As for now, I’m still getting use to the feel of the car, i.e. the feel of the gas and the brake pedals, and also the feel of driving here in Bacolod. I’ve only driven that much in California using Tatay’s Honda Civic. The manuevering of Tatay’s car were a lot softer compared to Bean’s. It’s also a known fact that the difference between the driving conditions of the USA and of the Philippines is pretty much like night and day. So God bless to me in adjusting to all that.

A Picture Exercise

Got this from Jiggy Cruz’s blog. :-)  See his post here.

I got inspired enough to dig my old pictures through this picture exercise. Ah, memories.

Feel free to answer this. Would love to see what you got.

1. a picture of you in your room

(In my “long lost” room, taken in 2005)

2. a picture of you very drunk

(Just tipsy, haven’t been very drunk yet)

3. a picture of you on your birthday

4. the youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.

5. a picture of you in one of your favorite outfits.

6. a picture of you making a goofy face at the camera

7. An edited picture

8. a picture of a night you regret

9. a picture of you being truly yourself

10. your most recent picture.

(Taken just last Wednesday, August 19, 2009. In my scrub suit, from work)

11. a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.

12. a picture of you showing off a new haircut / color

13. a picture of a time in your life that’s over, but you wish it wasn’t

14. a picture of a time in your life that’s over, and you couldn’t be more thankful that it is.

15. a picture of you when you were anything but happy

16. a picture of you that you had no idea was being taken

17. a picture of you when you were a different person than you are now.

18. a picture of you with someone you love.

19. a picture of how you’d like the world to see you.

20. a picture that describes how you’d like to spend every day.

21. a picture of a time when everything was changing.

22. a picture that makes your heart hurt.

23. a picture that makes your heart smile

24. a picture of one of your best days / nights of your life

Here’s the list:

1. a picture of you in your room
2. a picture of your very drunk
3. a picture of you on your birthday, or your favorite holiday
4. the youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.
5. a picture of you in one of your favorite outfits.
6. a picture of you making a goofy face at the camera
7. a picture you might have edited to make yourself more attractive
8. a picture of a night you regret
9. a picture of you being truly yourself
10. your most recent picture.
11. a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.
12. a picture of you showing off a new haircut / color
13. a picture of a time in your life that’s over, but you wish it wasn’t
14. a picture of a time in your life that’s over, and you couldn’t be more thankful that it is.
15. a picture of you when you were anything but happy
16. a picture of you that you had no idea was being taken
17. a picture of you when you were a different person than you are now.
18. a picture of you with someone you love.
19. a picture of how you’d like the world to see you.
20. a picture that describes how you’d like to spend every day.
21. a picture of a time when everything was changing.
22. a picture that makes your heart hurt.
23. a picture that makes your heart smile
24. a picture of one of your best days / nights of your life

Rudeness at its Best

Yesterday morning, I was hurrying to get to my 8am to 4pm shift at work. Most of the time I ride with my cousin to work as he is driving the car and he can drop me off at my workplace before he goes to his. But this whole week he has the 7am shift so it means I can’t go with him.

Since I got up later than usual that morning, I decided to ride the taxi to get to work to save time. I called up Faith Taxi. Everything was arranged and the guy at the other end of the line told me that my taxi will arrive within 5 to 7 minutes. Now, this is where I made a mistake. They usually give you the last two numbers of the plate number of the taxi that will pick you up. The guy gave me the last two numbers but I didn’t make it a point to remember those simple two numbers. I guess I was just worried that I would be late to work that morning that I wasn’t really thinking much.

I got out of the house and waited with my uncle outside our gate. A few minutes later a Faith taxi arrived. The driver stopped in front of our house and asked us if we were the ones who called up for a taxi. We said yes. He said that the customer who called instructed them to pick her up near Cherry Road. I said that this was Cypress Road, and Cherry Road is the street in front of our house. He asked what our last name was to confirm. I gave him my last name but also told him that I was never asked for my last name when I called their office. He said that he will just check along Cherry Road if there’s really a customer waiting. So he did. About less than a minute later, he came back.

With Love and Thanks to Cory Aquino

I’ve never been more affected, let alone affected, by the loss of a famous figure in my country, except Cory Aquino’s. It’s been 12 days since she passed away and 6 days since she was laid to rest. But still here I am writing about her. Yes, this is late. Much of the commotion in the blogosphere that occurred about her and her death has slowly calmed down. And yet I still feel the need to contribute something in her name, even if it’s just a mere blog entry, a late blog entry. This is something I feel I have to do, in the time that I’m able, in honor of a true Filipino hero.

The thing is, I couldn’t sit down and actually type my thoughts during her wake and even a few days after her funeral. I was emotionally overwhelmed about her greatness, and what she and her husband, Ninoy Aquino had done for the Filipino people that I had so much to process mentally. I felt guilty that if not for her death, I wouldn’t have realized the reality, the magnitude and the effect of what she did for us Filipinos. I was so inspired by her that I felt loss for a moment amidst my then-apathetic Pinoy spirit.

I’ve always known about her, from the history books during elementary and high school to the fact that she’s Kris Aquino’s mother. But I never actually thought about how much she and her family had sacrificed and how brave she was for what she did to us. I was never able to dig deep behind her title, “Icon of Democracy.” Not until now. Before I always said that I was proud to be a Filipino. But now, after Cory’s passing, my pride has grown a lot deeper than I could have imagined. Now I’m proud of being a Filipino because I had a leader named Corazon C. Aquino.

What really amazes me about her is that she was a reluctant leader in the beginning. She never had any political aspirations. She was just a housewife to an assassinated politician. I read somewhere that she once said, “What on earth do I know about being president?” Yet she took up the challenge and she was the one who ousted a dictator. She had not only become the Philippine’s first woman president, but the first woman president in Asia. She was chosen by the people and she was elected through a bloodless People Power Revolution. It was God’s will and as hard as it may be for her, she accepted it and never looked back.

She was known for her being religious and for relying strongly in the power of prayer. I read from her grandson, Jiggy Cruz’s blog, that one of the most important things he has learned from his grandmother is to always do your best and let God do the rest. I’ve always heard this motto before but it’s only now that I’ve realized how simply true it is. I’ve witnessed that in Cory Aquino’s life. Life may be complicated with all its intricacies, but it’s comforting to know that we just have to do the best we can and it’s all up to God to do the rest. As hard as we may think our obstacles are, we can surely surpass them. It may not seem like it at first but in the long run, good always triumphs over the evil. God never leaves us alone.

I prefer referring to Cory Aquino as an icon instead of a politician. To me she was never much of a politician the way the word politician refers to the other (filthy) leaders of this country. She genuinely did the best she can to help people. Her main weapon was her sincerity and prayer. Her administration may not be perfect, in fact it was criticized much. But still she was the epitome of a great leader. She taught us that every leader should have sincerity in his/her heart. The main reason why I felt so sad knowing that she’s already gone is because I see her as a genuinely good and kind person. I’ve only seen her in the TV but I can honestly feel her goodness. She was that transparent. She’s the only Filipino I’ve come to know who I think deserves to be canonized.

It’s sad to think that it has to be her death which has awakened a patriotic Pinoy spirit in me. Before I never really cared much about the politics of my country because as far as I was concerned, they were all the same – all Filipino politicians were corrupt and were hungry for money, except Cory Aquino. I had only voted once since turning 18 because I never felt the responsibility to do so. The way I saw it, I had not much of a choice among those running for office because they’re pretty much all the same – they fool the Filipino people with their over the moon promises of good deeds during the campaign period. But as soon as they’re in the office it’s all corruption. I used to think what’s the point of voting someone when they’re all the same. Bad politics in this country have caused the rich Filipino people to become richer, while those who are poor becomes poorer. So why give a damn about those lying politician bastards? But now, while realizing how Cory Aquino fought for our democracy and how bravely she restored our nation after long years of being held captive by Marcos’s Martial Law, I saw how she loved the Filipinos and our country. I certainly don’t want her efforts to be put to waste. I care for my country! Some politicians that have followed her since have already tarnished what she had restored of this country from the rubble of Martial Law. Those evil politicians can fool us and steal all they want. I’m still going to make sure that I had done at least something to fight for the goodness of my country. Registering to vote in 2010 is my way. Surely those who are running for office may still be the same corrupt politicians. But I have learned to choose wisely and vote for the “best” (at least the least bad) one. The lesser evil. Knowing that I had done my part, I can keep on fighting and praying for the future of our country with a clear conscience. Cory’s patriotic spirit is contagious, even when she’s no longer in this world.

While watching her necrological service and her funeral and seeing a lot of political figures of our country, I couldn’t help thinking if these politicians not only wonder if their own funeral would also be attended and mourned by that much Filipinos, but also felt guilty of their faults during office while reflecting on Cory Aquino’s life. I fervently hoped that they had at least felt remorse and was ashamed of themselves even for just a second. How I wish that every politician at present has a heart like Cory Aquino. If cloning is a natural thing in this world, I would want Cory Aquino’s goodness to be cloned, especially her sincerity and kindness.

During her funeral, as the cortege traveled from Manila Cathedral to Manila Memorial Park, I became overwhelmed by how much Filipinos came out on the streets to bid their final farewell to the late President. I have never seen anything like it. Nor have I felt so much Pinoy pride in my heart. If only I was already born to witness Ninoy Aquino’s funeral way back in 1983 and was old enough to understand the first People Power Revolution in 1986, I would have already found much more meaning in being a Filipino as much as I do today. I got teary-eyed seeing thousands of people break into applause as her casket passed. As Jim Paredes put it in his article, the gesture was “an affirmation of the good she had done, a recognition of her decency and integrity as a person and her untiring efforts in expressing tangibly her love for our country.” I couldn’t agree more.

Had I been in Manila, I would have gone to the streets to see her cortege. She was the most respectable President I ever knew. The extent of what I can do on the day she was put to her final resting place was to wear yellow at work. It made me glad seeing other people wear yellow and also yellow ribbons tied on vehicles, on entrances of schools, on the door of where I worked, on the fence outside a church. It brought me comfort knowing that people remembered her and what she did for our country. I smiled every time other people would talk about what they feel about Cory, about what she did for us and about how her death has affected them. I’m grateful for the stories of several people who lived to witness the ousting of Ferdinand Marcos because Cory Aquino stepped up to the challenge 23 years ago. Tita Els told me they banged pots and pans out of joy and pride, together with my parents and our other relatives, way back in 1986 when Cory was elected president.

Seeing Kris Aquino made her statements with tears on TV about her mother’s passing and seeing the Aquino family, whom I was able to get to know on TV and have grown to love, mourn, it was like I also felt at peace knowing that their pains of loss are eased with the belief that the Cory Aquino they loved was finally resting in peace, and that she is finally reunited with her husband. I’d like to think that this whole Ninoy Aquino and Cory Aquino legacy is first and above all, a true love story. A love story that had gone through what no other love story has gone. Finally, after so much and so long, they’re finally reunited happily in Heaven, just as they were meant to be.

It’s amazing thinking about what God has meant for Ninoy and Cory’s lives. I believe that we can overcome the hardest things in this world if we have faith in a power greater than ourselves. I also believe even more in the thought that God has a plan for each and every one of us. We just have to learn to let Him take the wheel and be brave and faithful enough to do our best and to accept His will. I hope that the future generations of Filipinos will know how these two fought for our freedom. I’ll be forever grateful for Ninoy and Cory for sacrificing so much for our freedom. I hope I get to meet them someday in the afterlife. After all these, the way I see the Philippines, the Filipino patriotic spirit, the Pinoys, the color yellow, even Kris Aquino and even myself as a citizen of this country, will never ever be the same.

*Images are from here, here and here.

Anniversary and Blogger’s Block

Today (well, yesterday actually since it’s past 12midnight!) marked Flip and mine’s fifth year of being together as a couple. (insert “aww” here. LOL) Thinking that last year I made us a confectionery anniversary video, this time a part of me feels compelled to post something grand about us. Something with pictures/slideshow or with sweet and corny words, letting him (and the rest of the internet world) know how much I appreciate him and how I learned to do so even more as the “us” turns five years. But another part of me doesn’t want to head in that same direction. I don’t know, maybe it’s the private and the anti-monotonous parts of me that still exist. Sure, I’m happy as a clam to be with Flip for the last five years and I’m proud as can be of that. But this time I want to keep things simpler in the blogging department. No love song playing while lovey-dovey pictures of us are slideshowing. I’ve already plurked, twittered and posted the yey-it’s-our-5th-anniversary-today sort of thing in my Facebook status. That and some pictures that are yet to be taken when we celebrate belatedly, and uploaded, are already more than enough to keep me from turning my pride and joy of my love life to spamming, not to mention boasting. No hullaballo here.

So for this year, I’ll just reserve my grateful and loving words (heh!) privately to the man himself. But I guess it’s safe to say, “Thank you, Lord!” and that I also want to thank our family and friends for making the whole ride (and the ride to come) a lot more enjoyable. Really, I do feel thankful to them also. Haay, I better stop before I get carried away even more into making this sound like a speech at a wedding reception! Blah. I’m crazy and weird that sometimes I even surprise myself. OK, moving on…

In a different note, it’s been a quite a while since I’ve done this. Updating my blog, that is. No wonder I’m struggling with words here. It’s like the words-for-blogging producing part of my brain has rusted. Well, hopefully this is another one of those kick off starts/writing sparks fuel of mine that will motivate me to start writing again, and again and again and so on and so forth until I reach another blogger’s block.

This is what happens after a long dry writing spell. When I start writing again, I tend to metaphorize things. For the life of me I don’t know why I tend to do that. Then I just end up sounding peculiar, and weird. Well, tomorrow’s another day for writing. Better stop blabbering now and end this paragraph. Even putting an end to a sentence is something I now seem to have forgotten how to do. *sigh*

Lingering Thoughts

One of the things I dislike but can’t seem to avoid encountering is the fact that a few hours or even days after I wrote and saved a lengthy blog post, I’m being bombarded by new ideas and also old ones that I had forgotten to include. Despite everything that I had to say about a topic, there are still more ideas that seem to just sprung out of nowhere in my brain. It irks me because sometimes I just can’t ignore an idea in my head. What’s worse is that it seems to “haunt” me at night, when I’m in bed and about to doze off to sleep land. It’s like I have to write them down. There’s a strong urge but I can’t seem to know why I have to. It stays in my head and bugs me, like I have to emancipate it or something. It’s weird having to explain this in words. It makes me sound so pathetic, ain’t it? I need to get a life. Heh.

I wish I could have brevity in my writing. I wish I can write about something while remembering in that moment everything I need to say, then move on once it has been saved and posted in my blog. Unfortunately, I’m the kind who can blabber as much as she can about something and still have residual thoughts the day after. Being me can be exhausting sometimes, mentally exhausting.

So to cure this nagging thing in my head, kindly allow me to list a few ideas and clarifications about the whole PMS thing I wrote days before. (No one is obligated at all to read this, especially if you don’t want to. :-p This is just for my peace of mind’s sake.)

• Despite my obvious personal beliefs about PMS, I got nothing against those with different views. I’m very open to other people and to friends of mine who think differently. As I’ve said in the comments, I even enjoy talking with friends about their PMS experiences. I appreciate the trust they have on me when they “kiss and tell.”
• Believe it or not, I’m not that prude. It’s just that the degree of my being prude doesn’t cross the X-rated line. With that being said, it doesn’t mean I don’t fiddle and delight myself around the area near the sex line. What I’m saying is, there are a lot of ways to deal with the “urge” that inevitably comes in having a boyfriend without doing the actual act. There’s canoodling, caressing, cuddling, embracing, fondling, making out, petting, smooching..you get the idea. Foreplay doesn’t always have to end in sex, you know.  Will power, a very strong one, to not do the act is what it takes to mingle with the temptation yet still not indulge in it. But it’s always best to just stay out of the temptation, especially at times when you don’t trust yourself. Will power can still falter, after all.
• I can’t help but think about the possibility that I may sound like a smart-ass or a know-it-all advocate and counselor on PMS and abstinence by writing a blog like I did. I was half expecting that I would get some violent reactions and hate messages. Thankfully, I got neither. However, if it has offended or will offend anyone in the future, I apologize. I didn’t mean for it to be like that at all. I didn’t intend for what I wrote to appear like a command for anyone. I was just sharing my views. A decision about PMS is a decision an individual makes for herself. And anyone ought to be respected for her own decisions, whatever those decisions may be.

OK. There, I said it.

Now let’s move on from this sex thing, shall we?

What I have to say about PMS

Five months ago, I posted a blog entry asking readers what they think about premarital sex. It was nice to get some comments from several people and to know what most of us think about having sex before marriage. Based on the few comments I’ve received, it’s safe to conclude that most Filipinos think having premarital sex is wrong.

I’m not surprised with the conclusion. As Filipinos, that’s how we’ve been brought up. Our culture and our religion have always been a lot more conservative than others. I guess if I had a wider audience, one that involves people from other countries, the opinions on the topic would have been more varied and would not definitely seem one-sided. Yet, the question whether or not engaging in premarital sex is wrong will still remain. Even though most of us believe that it’s wrong, a lot of people out there think otherwise.

But what matters at the end of the day is one’s beliefs, right? I guess I just wanted to know what people really think about premarital sex, whether the beliefs of a typical Filipino upbringing stood the test of time and are still existent, or are just elusive facades nowadays. What made me brought up the question in the first place has also something to do with the fact that a lot of people I know have ended up getting pregnant out of wedlock. And most of these people are the kind I’ve never expected to be involved in such a thing. Given the case, I wanted to know how strong people, especially when temptation arises, are capable in holding on to their beliefs.

One of the things I always hear from people about PMS is the unfair reality about it: The girl is always the loser. Once virginity is lost, she will never be the same again. She can even be seen as less as who she was once her virginity is lost. While he, on the other hand, can be seen as becoming more of a man. Guys can have sex before marriage without being judged harshly because it’s OK for them to do it, because it’s what they are made to do, because they need to do it. But if it’s OK for guys to have PMS, who then are they going to have it with? Their girlfriends of course! Their girlfriends who are unmarried. So maybe, premarital sex is just a part of society? Of life? Is it not? No?

I’d be lying if I said I’ve never doubted my belief that having premarital sex is wrong. If I’d been asked five years ago, I would have definitely answered in a heartbeat a very firm, “Premarital sex is wrong!” without any doubts whatsoever. But as time went by and I turned from single to “in a relationship,” I began thinking about PMS and if it’s really what I believe it is.

Now, if my mother reads the previous paragraph, chances are she would freak out. She is, after all, the kind of mother who has practically brainwashed her daughter against premarital sex by saying that not only it is wrong against the eyes of God but once you do it, your married life is doomed. Doomed in a sense that you and your husband will encounter more problems throughout your married life. As her daughter, her brainwashing didn’t go to waste because I believe her by heart. The doomed part may sound a bit ridiculous but it had me scared to commit PMS. It made me think of a lot of worse case scenarios that are bound to happen to me and my husband had we fornicated. My mother is also the kind who had her daughter’s boyfriend literally say promise in front of her that he will not have sex with her daughter as long as they are not married. Yeah, that’s my Mama. Persistent and umm.. unique, isn’t she? But I kinda like the way she disciplined me about the sex issue. Not all mothers can talk that straightforward about sex to their daughters, including their daughter’s boyfriend. Not only it is super effective but it’s something I know I will benefit from in the long run.

So ‘Ma, don’t freak out yet. Kindly allow me to elaborate…

Before I ever had a boyfriend and during the first few months I have a boyfriend, having PMS never entered my mind. It was and is always out of the question. “We are not going to have sex. It is wrong and I will never give in no matter what. If you really love me, having sex with me is far different from your intentions. Sex can wait until we’ve walked down that aisle and said “I Do.” This was pretty much my way of thinking then. But as time and experience are teachers, being in a relationship for some time has taught me about stages. Yes, there are stages, and the first stage begins as soon as you two are officially a couple. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost five years now. The stages eventually ascended until I realized that we have reached the unexpected, inevitable, unknown stage for those who have never been in a relationship – the physical stage.

The reality almost slapped me in the face: It is impossible to not get physical with someone you love. Ascending to the next stage is how a relationship progresses. It’s just the way it is. Kisses, hugs, and cuddles are unavoidable when you have a boyfriend. These are, after all, ways how to express love and affection.

When the physical stage is reached, it is always up to the girl to decide how deep they both get physical. She has the key to that door. As long as she says no and doesn’t give away that key to him no matter how he begs, they will never have PMS. A line has to be drawn between petting and sex.

While I draw this line, I found myself thinking why PMS is wrong; Why God intended it to be a sacred act for married people only. I admit that there were times I know I wanted to do it; We wanted to do it. I love him, he loves me, I want to make love with him. Why is it wrong to have sex with someone you’ve loved for years if you’re not married when sex is an expression of love after all? Are couples we know doing it? Why is our upbringing so conservative while those in other countries can have sex anytime they want to? Are those people with more liberated culture who commit PMS all going to Hell?

We reached a point in our relationship where we wanted to do the act. I began to have so many questions about PMS that I doubted my beliefs. There are still times every now and then that I ponder about this. But thanks to my one of a kind, persistent mother who brainwashed me years ago. I can still find strength and reason in saying no while having an eager, willing-to-do-it body. The consequences I have to face are not worth it for a moment’s pleasure, even though it’s the pleasure I so want to experience.Haha For now I just have to settle with kisses, hugs, smooches, and whatever else we can think of except sex. There are many different kinds of kisses anyway. Hmmm…

One of the things I’ve also learned is that those people who have never been in a relationship don’t know the implication of what they’re really saying when they say that having PMS is wrong. They are right but with experience, the view is different. My thoughts on PMS are still the same as before. It’s wrong, but saying no to it is not always as easy as a NBSB would think. I’m blessed not only because I have a persistent, unique mother, but also because I have an understanding boyfriend who’s willing to make it right with me and to keep his promise to my mother. Hah.

Oh, he is going to get a prize from me someday… hahaha

It takes a whole lot of courage and discipline to say no. Amidst temptation, saying no is still possible. Just think that it can wait (there better be a reward someday for those who wait!) and by saying no for now, you’re in for a really thrilling wedding night. 

* Photo sources: here and here.

“Huh?! Moments” with My Father

Tatay, my dear father, has this funny way of covering up his forgetfulness when it comes to names of movies, restaurants and stuff. It’s just these days that I happen to realize and establish this about him since lately, this unique characteristic of him seems to be happening more often. I thought that by listing down the funny, rather ridiculous names he has said as products of his forgetfulness, I could come up with a worthy, fun blog post. I just wish though that I could have recalled a lot more than what I’ve got. If you don’t quite understand what I’m talking about, here’s a clearer, more precise way of putting it:

This happened years ago. Remember the Reese Witherspoon movie “Sweet Home Alabama”? Well, Tatay being the avid movie-goer that he is, one day told us that we’re going to watch a movie called “Going Home Oklahoma.” Huh?!

Now get what I mean about him? Here’s another one:

There’s a store here in America called Ross, with a tag line “Dress for Less.” So basically it’s called ROSS Dress for Less. It’s one of my cousin’s favorite stores since moving to America from the Philippines. One day, while my cousin was visiting with us here in California (she was still living in Missouri that time), Tatay said that we’re going to “Ross for Us.” Huh?! He made a shortcut of the tag line and thought Ross is Rose. You know, “roses for us.”

If that’s not funny, maybe this one is:

There’s a casual Chinese fast food chain here called “Panda Express.” While we were in the car one day and deciding where to eat, he said, “Sa Kung Fu Panda bi?” Hilarious huh?! moment right there.

And finally, one of his latest:

We were on our way to go to a Filipino grocery store here in Lancaster. The store is called “Everybody’s Oriental Store.” He called it “Everybody Happy.”

HUH?!

To others it may seem that he’s doing it on purpose, for humor’s sake or something. But I know that he isn’t. Knowing him and his funny way of forgetting things, it’s so him to mess up names like that without any other intention except to be helpful. I know there will be more coming. He’s only in his mid 50s yet he’s being quite forgetful already. It’s OK though as long as he got his unique funny way of showing it. 

The happy tag – Day 8

Danny Gokey singing “Hero” on American Idol

Voted for him through text as soon as the show was over.