Anniversary and Blogger’s Block

Today (well, yesterday actually since it’s past 12midnight!) marked Flip and mine’s fifth year of being together as a couple. (insert “aww” here. LOL) Thinking that last year I made us a confectionery anniversary video, this time a part of me feels compelled to post something grand about us. Something with pictures/slideshow or with sweet and corny words, letting him (and the rest of the internet world) know how much I appreciate him and how I learned to do so even more as the “us” turns five years. But another part of me doesn’t want to head in that same direction. I don’t know, maybe it’s the private and the anti-monotonous parts of me that still exist. Sure, I’m happy as a clam to be with Flip for the last five years and I’m proud as can be of that. But this time I want to keep things simpler in the blogging department. No love song playing while lovey-dovey pictures of us are slideshowing. I’ve already plurked, twittered and posted the yey-it’s-our-5th-anniversary-today sort of thing in my Facebook status. That and some pictures that are yet to be taken when we celebrate belatedly, and uploaded, are already more than enough to keep me from turning my pride and joy of my love life to spamming, not to mention boasting. No hullaballo here.

So for this year, I’ll just reserve my grateful and loving words (heh!) privately to the man himself. But I guess it’s safe to say, “Thank you, Lord!” and that I also want to thank our family and friends for making the whole ride (and the ride to come) a lot more enjoyable. Really, I do feel thankful to them also. Haay, I better stop before I get carried away even more into making this sound like a speech at a wedding reception! Blah. I’m crazy and weird that sometimes I even surprise myself. OK, moving on…

In a different note, it’s been a quite a while since I’ve done this. Updating my blog, that is. No wonder I’m struggling with words here. It’s like the words-for-blogging producing part of my brain has rusted. Well, hopefully this is another one of those kick off starts/writing sparks fuel of mine that will motivate me to start writing again, and again and again and so on and so forth until I reach another blogger’s block.

This is what happens after a long dry writing spell. When I start writing again, I tend to metaphorize things. For the life of me I don’t know why I tend to do that. Then I just end up sounding peculiar, and weird. Well, tomorrow’s another day for writing. Better stop blabbering now and end this paragraph. Even putting an end to a sentence is something I now seem to have forgotten how to do. *sigh*

Lingering Thoughts

One of the things I dislike but can’t seem to avoid encountering is the fact that a few hours or even days after I wrote and saved a lengthy blog post, I’m being bombarded by new ideas and also old ones that I had forgotten to include. Despite everything that I had to say about a topic, there are still more ideas that seem to just sprung out of nowhere in my brain. It irks me because sometimes I just can’t ignore an idea in my head. What’s worse is that it seems to “haunt” me at night, when I’m in bed and about to doze off to sleep land. It’s like I have to write them down. There’s a strong urge but I can’t seem to know why I have to. It stays in my head and bugs me, like I have to emancipate it or something. It’s weird having to explain this in words. It makes me sound so pathetic, ain’t it? I need to get a life. Heh.

I wish I could have brevity in my writing. I wish I can write about something while remembering in that moment everything I need to say, then move on once it has been saved and posted in my blog. Unfortunately, I’m the kind who can blabber as much as she can about something and still have residual thoughts the day after. Being me can be exhausting sometimes, mentally exhausting.

So to cure this nagging thing in my head, kindly allow me to list a few ideas and clarifications about the whole PMS thing I wrote days before. (No one is obligated at all to read this, especially if you don’t want to. :-p This is just for my peace of mind’s sake.)

• Despite my obvious personal beliefs about PMS, I got nothing against those with different views. I’m very open to other people and to friends of mine who think differently. As I’ve said in the comments, I even enjoy talking with friends about their PMS experiences. I appreciate the trust they have on me when they “kiss and tell.”
• Believe it or not, I’m not that prude. It’s just that the degree of my being prude doesn’t cross the X-rated line. With that being said, it doesn’t mean I don’t fiddle and delight myself around the area near the sex line. What I’m saying is, there are a lot of ways to deal with the “urge” that inevitably comes in having a boyfriend without doing the actual act. There’s canoodling, caressing, cuddling, embracing, fondling, making out, petting, smooching..you get the idea. Foreplay doesn’t always have to end in sex, you know.  Will power, a very strong one, to not do the act is what it takes to mingle with the temptation yet still not indulge in it. But it’s always best to just stay out of the temptation, especially at times when you don’t trust yourself. Will power can still falter, after all.
• I can’t help but think about the possibility that I may sound like a smart-ass or a know-it-all advocate and counselor on PMS and abstinence by writing a blog like I did. I was half expecting that I would get some violent reactions and hate messages. Thankfully, I got neither. However, if it has offended or will offend anyone in the future, I apologize. I didn’t mean for it to be like that at all. I didn’t intend for what I wrote to appear like a command for anyone. I was just sharing my views. A decision about PMS is a decision an individual makes for herself. And anyone ought to be respected for her own decisions, whatever those decisions may be.

OK. There, I said it.

Now let’s move on from this sex thing, shall we?

What I have to say about PMS

Five months ago, I posted a blog entry asking readers what they think about premarital sex. It was nice to get some comments from several people and to know what most of us think about having sex before marriage. Based on the few comments I’ve received, it’s safe to conclude that most Filipinos think having premarital sex is wrong.

I’m not surprised with the conclusion. As Filipinos, that’s how we’ve been brought up. Our culture and our religion have always been a lot more conservative than others. I guess if I had a wider audience, one that involves people from other countries, the opinions on the topic would have been more varied and would not definitely seem one-sided. Yet, the question whether or not engaging in premarital sex is wrong will still remain. Even though most of us believe that it’s wrong, a lot of people out there think otherwise.

But what matters at the end of the day is one’s beliefs, right? I guess I just wanted to know what people really think about premarital sex, whether the beliefs of a typical Filipino upbringing stood the test of time and are still existent, or are just elusive facades nowadays. What made me brought up the question in the first place has also something to do with the fact that a lot of people I know have ended up getting pregnant out of wedlock. And most of these people are the kind I’ve never expected to be involved in such a thing. Given the case, I wanted to know how strong people, especially when temptation arises, are capable in holding on to their beliefs.

One of the things I always hear from people about PMS is the unfair reality about it: The girl is always the loser. Once virginity is lost, she will never be the same again. She can even be seen as less as who she was once her virginity is lost. While he, on the other hand, can be seen as becoming more of a man. Guys can have sex before marriage without being judged harshly because it’s OK for them to do it, because it’s what they are made to do, because they need to do it. But if it’s OK for guys to have PMS, who then are they going to have it with? Their girlfriends of course! Their girlfriends who are unmarried. So maybe, premarital sex is just a part of society? Of life? Is it not? No?

I’d be lying if I said I’ve never doubted my belief that having premarital sex is wrong. If I’d been asked five years ago, I would have definitely answered in a heartbeat a very firm, “Premarital sex is wrong!” without any doubts whatsoever. But as time went by and I turned from single to “in a relationship,” I began thinking about PMS and if it’s really what I believe it is.

Now, if my mother reads the previous paragraph, chances are she would freak out. She is, after all, the kind of mother who has practically brainwashed her daughter against premarital sex by saying that not only it is wrong against the eyes of God but once you do it, your married life is doomed. Doomed in a sense that you and your husband will encounter more problems throughout your married life. As her daughter, her brainwashing didn’t go to waste because I believe her by heart. The doomed part may sound a bit ridiculous but it had me scared to commit PMS. It made me think of a lot of worse case scenarios that are bound to happen to me and my husband had we fornicated. My mother is also the kind who had her daughter’s boyfriend literally say promise in front of her that he will not have sex with her daughter as long as they are not married. Yeah, that’s my Mama. Persistent and umm.. unique, isn’t she? But I kinda like the way she disciplined me about the sex issue. Not all mothers can talk that straightforward about sex to their daughters, including their daughter’s boyfriend. Not only it is super effective but it’s something I know I will benefit from in the long run.

So ‘Ma, don’t freak out yet. Kindly allow me to elaborate…

Before I ever had a boyfriend and during the first few months I have a boyfriend, having PMS never entered my mind. It was and is always out of the question. “We are not going to have sex. It is wrong and I will never give in no matter what. If you really love me, having sex with me is far different from your intentions. Sex can wait until we’ve walked down that aisle and said “I Do.” This was pretty much my way of thinking then. But as time and experience are teachers, being in a relationship for some time has taught me about stages. Yes, there are stages, and the first stage begins as soon as you two are officially a couple. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost five years now. The stages eventually ascended until I realized that we have reached the unexpected, inevitable, unknown stage for those who have never been in a relationship – the physical stage.

The reality almost slapped me in the face: It is impossible to not get physical with someone you love. Ascending to the next stage is how a relationship progresses. It’s just the way it is. Kisses, hugs, and cuddles are unavoidable when you have a boyfriend. These are, after all, ways how to express love and affection.

When the physical stage is reached, it is always up to the girl to decide how deep they both get physical. She has the key to that door. As long as she says no and doesn’t give away that key to him no matter how he begs, they will never have PMS. A line has to be drawn between petting and sex.

While I draw this line, I found myself thinking why PMS is wrong; Why God intended it to be a sacred act for married people only. I admit that there were times I know I wanted to do it; We wanted to do it. I love him, he loves me, I want to make love with him. Why is it wrong to have sex with someone you’ve loved for years if you’re not married when sex is an expression of love after all? Are couples we know doing it? Why is our upbringing so conservative while those in other countries can have sex anytime they want to? Are those people with more liberated culture who commit PMS all going to Hell?

We reached a point in our relationship where we wanted to do the act. I began to have so many questions about PMS that I doubted my beliefs. There are still times every now and then that I ponder about this. But thanks to my one of a kind, persistent mother who brainwashed me years ago. I can still find strength and reason in saying no while having an eager, willing-to-do-it body. The consequences I have to face are not worth it for a moment’s pleasure, even though it’s the pleasure I so want to experience.Haha For now I just have to settle with kisses, hugs, smooches, and whatever else we can think of except sex. There are many different kinds of kisses anyway. Hmmm…

One of the things I’ve also learned is that those people who have never been in a relationship don’t know the implication of what they’re really saying when they say that having PMS is wrong. They are right but with experience, the view is different. My thoughts on PMS are still the same as before. It’s wrong, but saying no to it is not always as easy as a NBSB would think. I’m blessed not only because I have a persistent, unique mother, but also because I have an understanding boyfriend who’s willing to make it right with me and to keep his promise to my mother. Hah.

Oh, he is going to get a prize from me someday… hahaha

It takes a whole lot of courage and discipline to say no. Amidst temptation, saying no is still possible. Just think that it can wait (there better be a reward someday for those who wait!) and by saying no for now, you’re in for a really thrilling wedding night. 

* Photo sources: here and here.

“Huh?! Moments” with My Father

Tatay, my dear father, has this funny way of covering up his forgetfulness when it comes to names of movies, restaurants and stuff. It’s just these days that I happen to realize and establish this about him since lately, this unique characteristic of him seems to be happening more often. I thought that by listing down the funny, rather ridiculous names he has said as products of his forgetfulness, I could come up with a worthy, fun blog post. I just wish though that I could have recalled a lot more than what I’ve got. If you don’t quite understand what I’m talking about, here’s a clearer, more precise way of putting it:

This happened years ago. Remember the Reese Witherspoon movie “Sweet Home Alabama”? Well, Tatay being the avid movie-goer that he is, one day told us that we’re going to watch a movie called “Going Home Oklahoma.” Huh?!

Now get what I mean about him? Here’s another one:

There’s a store here in America called Ross, with a tag line “Dress for Less.” So basically it’s called ROSS Dress for Less. It’s one of my cousin’s favorite stores since moving to America from the Philippines. One day, while my cousin was visiting with us here in California (she was still living in Missouri that time), Tatay said that we’re going to “Ross for Us.” Huh?! He made a shortcut of the tag line and thought Ross is Rose. You know, “roses for us.”

If that’s not funny, maybe this one is:

There’s a casual Chinese fast food chain here called “Panda Express.” While we were in the car one day and deciding where to eat, he said, “Sa Kung Fu Panda bi?” Hilarious huh?! moment right there.

And finally, one of his latest:

We were on our way to go to a Filipino grocery store here in Lancaster. The store is called “Everybody’s Oriental Store.” He called it “Everybody Happy.”

HUH?!

To others it may seem that he’s doing it on purpose, for humor’s sake or something. But I know that he isn’t. Knowing him and his funny way of forgetting things, it’s so him to mess up names like that without any other intention except to be helpful. I know there will be more coming. He’s only in his mid 50s yet he’s being quite forgetful already. It’s OK though as long as he got his unique funny way of showing it. 

The happy tag – Day 8

Danny Gokey singing “Hero” on American Idol

Voted for him through text as soon as the show was over.

The happy tag – Days 5, 6 and 7

I missed 3 days of this happy tag thingy! What happened was, on the evening of Valentine’s Day, I drank enough red wine at a party and was almost tipsy. By the time we got home and I faced the laptop, my head was aching and my eyes were starting to get droopy. Needless to say, I wasn’t in the best physical and mental states to compose a blog entry. I still, however, wandered around cyberspace and was able to plurk something and play around Facebook for a little while. But the mental capacity it takes to post a blog were apparently too much for my red wine flooded brain. Whatever, Micay.

And yesterday, no happy thingy post again because I was too disturbed from the sudden accidental abduction of Pangga, the teddy bear. This sounds so overly dramatic and trust me, I must have thought the same thing had not the incident actually happened to me yesterday. I’ll explain in a separate blog entry about this. Bottom line, yesterday was happy tag post fail again.

So today I’m finally posting not only today’s happy thingy but the backlogs as well.

Day 5 – February 14, 2009
My second Valentine’s Day of the year. Heh The first one was the day before when it was the 14th in the Philippines. Tatay gave me a laptop cart, a Valentine card and some chocolates. Aww. The laptop cart is really cool. I’m using it now. It pretty much looks like that one in the picture. I assembled the thing myself (with Tatay’s help in installing some of the metal thingies I have no idea about!). It’s really convenient and I no longer have to worry about where I can comfortably position myself with the laptop around the house. My father’s Valentine gifts made me happy. So there, Day 5.

Day 6 – February 15, 2009
I got a new haircut! The finished look is OK, I think. I’m not really totally in love with it, but I kinda like it. I decided to go for the layered look again and had intended to have about half an inch off. But the hairstylist, who by the way was also a Pinoy, told me that I have lots of split ends and my hair won’t lengthen that much if it has split ends. She asked if she could remove them and I said sure, even though it would take more than half an inch off my hair to do so. It’s my first time ever to have enough split ends that they would be that visible. I guess they’re from those two rebondings I made my naturally wavy hair undergo before. Well, enough of the hair talk crap. I’m just happy to have a change from a long, flat, boring hairstyle.

Day 7 – February 16, 2009
As for today, I found out that I can get Pangga, the teddy bear back. Yey! He is now somewhere around 2 hours away from here, safe and home bound. I know I totally make no sense talking about Pangga, the teddy bear. I’ll post a story soon, I promise.

Sorry if I sound so plain and down-ish today. It has been raining all day and it’s cold, wet and gloomy. Just enough to dampen my mood. I’m sure it’ll be a lot better next time.

The happy tag – Day 4

My Day 4 of this happy thingy seems interesting.

• Flip’s Valentine’s Day message made me happy this morning. It’s always a good thing waking up to a text message that makes your heart blush, even more so when you’re still able to feel giddy with your boyfriend from thousands of miles away after almost 5 years of being together.
• It snowed again today! But it didn’t last that long. I think I like it better when it will snow this way. I think I’m just being too mindful of the conditions when it would snow that much. Anyway, it was nice to see snow again, especially when they looked as big and as thick as cotton balls. I took a few videos and pictures again. Heh
• Though I’m not a big fan of the freezing weather, being outside and talking while smoke comes out from your mouth still amazes me even though it’s seems an ordinary thing around here.
• The massage I had earlier from a Thai massage place was nice. Tito Zaldy and I decided to get a massage after we played bowling. It’s my first time to get a massage here in Lancaster. Unexpectedly, the place was better than the one I had with Achie Caren and Lor at Orange County, though more expensive. It was nice to get a massage after not having a good sleep last night. Once the Thai lady doing my massage placed her hand on my bare back, she said with her thick Thai accent, “You’re tired, huh?” It’s nice that she knows that I’m tired by just feeling my back muscles. After the half hour massage, which by the way seemed longer to me, she said “You have nice body.” Hehe..That made me smile and say thank you.

I’m really liking this happy tag. It’s nice to be able to blog everyday and not because of rants and ventings. Maybe I would be tempted to do this even after Day 8. Hmm…

♥ Me & My Valentine ♥

Found this survey at Facebook. Happy Valentine’s Day!

♥ What are your middle names? Flip’s is Escosar, mine is Uy.

♥ How long have you been together? Almost 5 years now.

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating? Around 4 months.

♥ Who asked who out? Him. He was not that confident to say it out loud at first, though it was kind of obvious to me what he wanted. I asked him a very frank question and that made him say it. Heh

♥ How old are each of you? He’s 24, I’m 23. He’s only 10 months older than me, but we’re born on different years. Between September 30 to November 27 only of every year, we get to have the same age. =)

♥ Whose siblings do/ did you see the most? Definitely his siblings because I have none. =)

♥ What about pets? I had a dalmatian named Einstein back at home around the time we met and then an askal dog named Mickey. As a couple, we don’t yet have our own pets though we dream of having one someday when we can officially live together.

♥ Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? The inevitable long distance relationship that seems to dominate most of our years together.

♥ Did you go to the same school? Only in college. We both went to CPU. That’s where we met.

♥ Are you from the same home town? Nope. We’re islands apart. He’s from Dumangas, Iloilo while I’m from Bacolod City.

♥ Who is smarter? My doctor-to-be boyfriend AKA him is definitely smarter!

♥ Who is more sensitive? Depends on the situation. But mostly, it’s me, especially when it’s that time of the month.

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple? Back in college, we liked eating in Chow King because it’s affordable for both our allowances as students. We also have study sessions there with out friends since the Chow King we went to was open for 24 hours. Plus, we like Chinese food, especially siomai! Hehe

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? We haven’t traveled that far together due to time constraints from his Med. school. I think the farthest we’ve been together was Dumaguete City, and that was with my family during Holy Week 2005.

♥ Who has the craziest exes? Neither of us has crazy exes, nor any ex for that matter! Yes, he’s my first and I’m his first also. =)

♥ Who has the worse temper? Definitely me! Sometimes I really feel sorry for him.

♥ Who does the cooking? This is yet to be determined a few years from now (if we’re really meant to be together FOREVER!). But I remembered us cooking, or rather making Pancit Canton together once. I’ve also cooked him breakfast-to-go when he was in Bacolod and had to take the first boat trip the next morning for his hospital duties. Needless to say, I will do the cooking someday since I’m the female after all.

♥ Who is more social? I think he is more social. Most of the friends I’ve made in Iloilo, aside from my own classmates and dorm mates, are his friends in the first place. And he always gets along with more people and does it better than I do.

♥ Who is the neat-freak? Definitely me!!!

♥ Who is the more stubborn? Me again! Without a doubt.

♥ Who wakes up earlier? Him. He’s a morning person and I am sooo not.

♥ Where was your first date? At a carinderia outside CPU. Hehe We ate dinner there a lot, sometimes with friends. It was also the first place we ate in right after we officially became an “us.”

♥ Who has the bigger family? He definitely has more immediate family members. But I think I’m the one who has a bigger extended family.

♥ Do you get flowers often? Not often. I think I’ve received flowers from him twice.

♥ How do you spend the holidays? Separately. Him with his family and me with my own family. But he visits at home either days before Christmas Day or New Year’s Day.

♥ Who is more jealous? Him, I think.

♥ How long did it take to get serious? Not that long. We pretty much liked each other right away the first time we really talked. Though it took around 4 months after until I gave him my “yes,” it didn’t mean that I still had doubts about him within those 4 months of courtship.

♥ Who eats more? Haha, he does! Sometimes when we eat together, I would give him my leftovers. =)

♥ Who does/ did the laundry? He once washed my own uniform in college when the lady who did my laundry at the dorm didn’t show up and I had duty the following day. =)

♥ Who’s better with the computer? If it’s internet/programs stuff, I’m better but when it comes to games, definitely him.

♥ Who drives when you are together? Definitely me, though we usually commute together in the Philippines.

The happy tag – Day 3

It’s already 11:57pm and by the time I finish this blog and hit Publish, it’ll be another day. Even though this Day 3 happy day post of mine is a bit late, here it is still:

I made a Mango Icebox Cake for Mama’s potluck with her co-workers tomorrow. It had been a long time since I last made an Icebox Cake and I’m just happy that I got to help Mama and make something that her and her co-workers will eat. I also washed the dishes, including a heavy blender, and cleaned the kitchen from all the crumbs and splatter I made from the ingredients. I’m sleepy and tired now but it’s worth it since I feel like I contributed something. Cleaning around the house also makes me quite happy. It feels like an accomplishment and it’s always a nice feeling sitting around a clean house. Kind of helps clear my mind.

I also watched the season premiere of an all new Survivor and new back to back and crossover episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice. I enjoyed a nice time in front of the TV earlier. They were all entertaining episodes. With the new season of Survivor, I also have another TV thing to look forward to every week.

The happy tag – Day 2

As an ongoing response to the happy tag, what made me happy today even if they’re just small things, are these cute and hilarious kid videos from YouTube:

Actually I’ve already seen this video a few days ago from an entertainment blog that I regularly read. But today I saw it again on YouTube and it still has the same laughter effect on me. This video of a kid who seems to be “drunk” due to the effects of the anesthesia he was given by his dentist is quite famous right now. I think the kid’s cute and funny. Makes me wonder how an anesthesia like that will make me act if ever I need to go to the dentist and have an operation.

For this 2nd video, it’s a two year old greeting his mommy as she goes in to their car. He’s so cute! Who wouldn’t want to just squoosh him when he smiles and says “Hi Mommy” over and over again like that? It’s so cute it’s almost creepy.

Obviously I adore little kids. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by their cuteness that I just can’t wait to have babies of my own. Even my uterus seems to think so too. Heh. Thinking about the future and the possible motherhood and the humongous amount of baby cuteness that I’m able to enjoy one day also makes me happy.